Please note that devotions will be published Monday – Friday this week.
Today’s author is Prince of Peace member, Sharon Rachner.
(Adapted from an article by Sonya Lott, PhD)
The loss of someone with whom you have shared a deep emotional and supportive relationship usually causes the most intense grief reaction. Someone who has held you up emotionally when you were in a crisis, helped shape your sense of self, and encouraged you to reach for your dreams is physically removed from your life forever. So it makes sense that in the acute phase of grief, you may feel as though you have lost your sense of self or feel unsure of your life purpose.
You shouldn’t expect your grief to ever end completely. However, it is possible for your grief to become more integrated, painful emotions occur less frequently and with less intensity, and no longer interfere significantly with work, or other relations, or your positive emotions. The path to integrated grief requires the following processes: Accepting the reality of your loved one’s death; finding new meaning or purpose in your life; and continuing the bond with your deceased loved one through loving memories.
If you are overwhelmed by sadness as you struggle to accept the reality of a loved one’s death, it may seem impossible to think about trying to find new meaning in your living without them. But after the first few months following your loved one’s death, if you can spend a short period, on as many days as possible, focused on redefining your goals and reimagining your life purpose, it can offer glimpses of joy—a welcome respite from your sadness.
It’s important to have a balanced focus on all three processes. Knowing when and being able to shift your focus from working on acceptance of the death to focusing on future goals, or to reconnecting to your loved one, can be challenging. Many individuals can navigate the path to integrated grief with the support of other loved ones, but some people can get stuck along the way. One reason for this is on a societal level, death, dying, and bereavement are still taboo topics so that they don’t realize the importance of finding new meaning or purpose in living after the death of a loved one.
Negative thinking, such as the belief one doesn’t deserve to experience the joy that comes with a renewed life purpose after the death of a loved one, can serve as an obstacle, keeping you locked in the acute phase of grief. People are sometimes unable to focus on new goals or life purpose because they fear accepting their loved one’s death and “moving on” means they will or must “forget about” their loved one. They may become fixated on people, situations, and places that remind them of the loved one when they were alive, or avoid circumstances that remind them of the loved one’s death. Both fixation and avoidance serve as obstacles to accepting the reality of the death.
Reaching out to those who care about you can also be an important first step on the road to healing. While some friends and relatives may be uncomfortable with your grief, others will be eager to lend support. Talking about your thoughts and feelings won’t make you a burden. Rather, it can help you make sense of your loved one’s death and find ways to honor their memory.
A new year will soon be under way. We might breathe a prayer of gratitude for how God has been with us thorough so much. Perhaps it’s time now to allow it to be the beginning of a new life—your new normal.
“Dear God, give me the courage to begin again—to overlook the difficulties, to overcome the obstacles and to stay open to the moment as best I can. Help me be patient enough to know it takes time to start over, and wise enough to ask for help from friends and family when I need it.
As I look to the future, may I reflect on the past and remember the lessons it’s taught me. And, God, may I always look to you for strength and guidance.” Amen